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I still didn't feel anything. God, what the hell was wrong with me? Here I am, making out with one of the hottest girls in school, and I felt nothing. I stepped it up, kissing her more harshly, grabbing her boob from outside her shirt.She pushed me away, looking hurt and angry."What the hell, Cody? What was that? I thought you were a nice guy, I thought you might have liked me." She stormed away and I just stood there, not even bothering to go after her. I turned around and slowly walked back to my house, kicking the ground as I went. When I got back to my house, Adam was sitting on the porch steps. His head was down between his knees, and when he lifted his head, his cheeks were streaked with tears. I had the instant reflex to go over to him and comfort him, but I remembered what he had done to me and looked away. "Cody...I'm sorry." Adam stood and started walking over to me. I kept looking away, but still replied."No, it's not okay. I'm not a faggot like you." Once I spit out those. Every now and then something in the river moved or splashed. In the dearth of vision my other senses heightened and so each bump shot nerves down my back and added a little sweat to my already soaked palms. Little noises from the river, probably birds but also things floating with the tide, jostling each other in the current.Don't think of the barges. Don't think of the barges. Every year many tens of people drown in the Thames. Most are drunk and either fall or dive in, not realizing the power of the deep water flow. For others, it is serves as a somewhat romantic method of removing oneself from the rat-race. Many are washed out into the Channel, but even more are trapped by the barges. Ancient creaking steel monoliths anchored in the side stream, serving to catch whatever detritus London drops into the murky drift. A swimmers nightmare, the currents towards the inflows increase and funnel and the underwater filters prevent even large fishes escaping.Stop thinking, stop thinking,.
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